not me monday

— I did not have to call my mother from the grocery store last week because I didn’t know “how” to buy a turkey. I couldn’t see her raise her eyebrows at me through the phone when she asked, “What do you mean, you don’t know how to buy a turkey?” I didn’t proceed to ask her every turkey-cooking question in the book while pushing my cart down the aisles of the store. Seriously, she’s like the Mum who saved Thanksgiving.
— I did not turn to Husband yesterday and completely sincerely ask, “What’s the date today?” (on the occasion of our first wedding anniversary). He did not look at me in utter shock and then reply, “That’s something I would say!”
— In yet another moment of pure genius yesterday …
Me: Husband, how long is a football field?
Husband: 100 yards.
Me: Wow, that’s really long. Isn’t that a kilometre?
It was too late. The words flew out of my mouth before I had time to connect my brain to my lips. I swear I am not that stunned in real life. Really.
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